Omg I feel like I have not spoken in this way to you in forever! I love dancing and video blogging live so much that I forget to blog sometimes! That's what she said. I know that made no sense! Deal with it.
So I wanted to ask you if you have gotten your hands on my book hot sizzling book Awakening The Heart yet? I ask because the reviews it is getting on Amazon is amazing! If you did not order it yet... here is chapter 1 and 2 to give you a little taste of my story and book! This shift will change your life and awaken your heart into action!
Awakening the Heart By Carolyn Rim
Copyright © 2017 Carolyn Rim
Taking the Leap
“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” —Zig Ziglar
October 12, 2014
I sit in my cube, staring at the computer. I am researching bridges to jump off. I have just turned 30 and I realize how much I hate my life—okay, not just my life, I hate myself. All I seem to do is wake up, go to work, eat dinner, and sleep. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few moments that are fun and exciting but most of the time I am miserable. I do not have any big life goals—hell, I don’t have any goals. I want to die. The chatter in my mind never ceases. Constantly criticizing, contradicting and abusing me. “You’re a joke. You think you can change the world? You are nothing. YOU will be going against the whole world. You will never make it. Look at the past—all you are is a high school graduate with a bad reputation. A whore. Used goods. You are nothing.”
I have a good voice and a bad voice in my mind. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and unhappy most of the time. The bad voice was constant and the good voice tried, without success, to convince me of my inherent worth. I have been at my job for six years and I have moved up the ladder quickly. Up until about a year ago, I was the firm’s number one sales rep four years in a row, but I still feel unfulfilled and unhappy. A year and a half ago, the company took a turn for the worse and my salary went way down. I went from making $120,000 a year to $50,000 a year in seven months. I have been in a car accident and my neck injury is killing me too. I am going to the doctor every week. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. I eat unhealthy foods. I work out a few times per week, but my terrible eating habits and smoking cancel out my efforts to be healthy.
My peers are not encouraging. Anytime I spoke about my dream to be something more than what I am, they would tell me not to do it because it’s just safer to stay where you are than to go for it and fail. People around me are not going after their dreams. When I told them about this dream I had where I was in front of thousands of people, they would tell me there was no way I could do that. I feel trapped. Stuck. How did I get here?
Back to staring at the screen. The peer group and friends in my life, joke about killing themselves and although of course I don’t like that, I joke as well. We have a running joke. “Meet me at the bridge and I’ll bring the lipstick.” Talk about an unhealthy peer group. But, seriously, I would rather die than have my energy dwarfed and locked in this cube for another 10 years. All my light was trapped within the walls of this grey cube, with nowhere to expand. Hot tears stream down my face. I try desperately to mask my emotions at work. I feel like I am speaking a language that no one can understand; they just say I am weird or crazy.
Then something happens. I snap. I am done. No more. Not another minute do I want to spend on this earth. I stare at the screen, unhappy, unfulfilled, unchallenged. I wait for the phone to ring. I decide I am going do it that day. I am going to kill myself. I hate myself. I decide I am going to jump off a bridge. I close my eyes and visualize leaping into the air and finally being able to spread my wings and fly.
That’s always what I wanted to do. Fly. Fly into the air, soar like an eagle, even if only for a few seconds. I would feel the wind against my face and plunge to my death, away from pain. No mean voice could reach me. No taunting, horrible memories of my past could reach me. No more of this feeling like I will never be enough.
I am staring at a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. I would go out there and jump off. No one could get to me out there. I look up the stats on the bridge on how many people jumped from it. I watch the horrible videos of someone actually leaping to his death. Leaping from the bridge and hitting the water at speeds of 70mph is like hitting concrete. They stopped counting the numbers of jumpers. I think of my little girl, KK, and get tears in my eyes. I think, she is the only reason I am still alive right now.
The Voice of the Heart
Then I have my first conscious experience with grace, the first time I heard my heart so clearly speak to me. Call it my heart, source, God, divine intervention—whatever it was, it was all around me. I could not see it, hear it, touch it, but I felt a magnificent presence all around me. Almost as if angels were surrounding me. The world around me went into slow motion.
As if my fingers were guided, I stop looking for bridges to jump from and type the name Tony Robbins into YouTube. I watch two minutes of a video of him at one of his seminars and I see the people in slow motion jumping up and down, smiling. Real smiles. Not this fake-smile peanut-butter-fluff I saw from others all day long. These people were authentically happy from within their beautiful souls. I realized at that moment that I needed to go see this man.
I quickly call the number. It rings three times and then a woman answers. “Hi, thank you for calling Tony Robbins Company. My name is Kelly Phillips. How can I help you today?”
I clear my throat, “Hi, my name is Carolyn Rim and I want a front row seat to see Tony Robbins. How much will that be?”
“A front row Diamond Premier seat is $2,997. The next event is 12 days away and almost sold out,” she says. I hesitate and think for a moment. I don’t have $3,000. Sensing my hesitation, Kelly said, “I also have a few general admission seats available for $500.” I think about it. I could take the $500 general admission ticket however I am anything but general. I am Diamond Premier all the way. I say to Kelly, “Hold that Diamond Premier ticket. I will call you back in an hour.”
I hang up the phone. I pull up my bank account online to see how much money I have. I stare at the number on the screen. $36. A measly $36. How the hell am I going to pull this off? I close my eyes for a moment. I take a long inhale in through my nose and a long exhale out through my mouth.
I call my sister Marie, who had gone to an Unleash the Power Within seminar years before and said how amazing it was. She had been texting me that day to see how I am. She knows I am struggling but she also knows I am meant for greatness. I text her and tell her what I am planning to do. She texted back, all in caps, “NOW IS THE TIME. GO FOR IT, KID.”
That is all I need. I don’t call my husband, who I know would talk me out of it. I don’t call anyone who will try to talk me out of going. I call the bank and took out a $5,000 loan. For the first time in my life, I am going all-in on me. A magnificent energy streams through me and my heart is racing. I have never done anything like this. A few faxes and signatures later, I have $5,000 transferred into my account.
I call Kelly Phillips back within a half hour and tell her with a smile, “Book my Diamond Premier front row seat, please.” I book a flight and a suite at the Aloft hotel in Dallas. Within just a few hours, I am booked for the Unleash The Power Within event with Tony Robbins and 7,000 other souls. I inhale this beautiful feeling, as if each cell in my body and my soul is awakening. I still feel like something is missing, but in my heart I know I have taken a huge leap of faith, and that ignited something within me. Instead of leaping from the bridge, I have leapt out of my comfort zone with child-like faith into uncertainty. It is the first time in years my heart spoke to me—or maybe it was the first time in years I have listened.
That night I go home and told no one but my little girl, KK. We are snuggling underneath the blankets in her bed, reading with a flashlight. I say, “Baby, Mommy has to go away by herself for a couple of days. Do you think you can take care of Daddy?” She chuckles at the thought of her taking care of her daddy. She looks at me, “But Mommy, I’m going to miss you.”
I place my hand on her heart and then I say, “Remember, all you have to do is put your hand on your heart, think of me and send me love. I will get your message of love-energy, baby, and send a light beam of swirling-twirling-love around you. I love you more than all the stars in the sky and no matter where I am, I am always sending you my love, KK. Mommy has to do this, because for the first time, baby, I am allowing my heart to lead me.”
KK smiles her sweet smile and says, “Okay Mommy, I will take care of Daddy while you’re gone.” We stare at each other for a moment. Looking deeply into my little girl’s eyes, I can see the whole universe in them. I instantly feel magic and love when I look at her.
A few days later, I know I need to tell my husband, Mike, before my trip but I am so scared. That night, I tell him I am going away for a few days and he didn’t know what to say. “Are you still not happy?” he says. He is upset, but I explain that for me to be happy, I have to do this. He is so mad at me that he refuses to look or talk to me at all. He just is in silence staring at the floor slowly shaking his head at me. Then he says, “Fine. Go. Do what you want.”
I tell my family and prepare for take-off toward my destiny. My heart is heavy and sad about Mike but I still know I am on the right road. I stop second-guessing my intuition and decide to start listening to my heart, which says go for it.
October 22, 2014
It’s the day before the event and I am nervous. I am at work and have not gotten any sales all day so I am stressed, tense and irritated. I am holding back tears in my cell. My cube. This jail. My phone rings and breaks my thought pattern. “Hello,” I say, trying my best not to sound like I am on the verge of a breakdown.
“Hey Carolina,” my friend says in his usual playful voice. “Hi, Joe,” I say and my voice cracks before I can even get out another word. Instantly Joe picks up on my energy and says, “Are you okay?” I tell him I am leaving tomorrow for Dallas to see Tony Robbins and I am nervous and sad and scared all at the same time. He asks me what time I will be at work until. I tell him 5 p.m. “Okay, I will see you at 3 p.m.” He hangs up before I can protest. His engagement pictures with his fiancée are today. How could he be thinking about anyone else on this day?
I stop overthinking it and continue to stare at the computer screen and the phone rings. “Thanks for calling Medical Alert, this is Carolyn Rim. How may I help you?” The woman on the phone says, “What? Speak slower, won’t you? You young people talk too damn fast.” This is my life. I speak to seniors and sell the “Help, I have fallen and I can’t get up” buttons.” I have been on this call before, 1,000 times before. I feel like it’s the rinse and repeat cycle over and over again. I start to get tears in my eyes. My train of thought is interrupted by Brad Lovitz, who stands up in his cube and calls my name.
“Hey Carolyn!” he says. I sit around all men except for a beautiful black woman named Faith who sits behind me, whose smile lights up the room. I stand up. Now if you’re looking at this and imagining it in your mind, think of whack-a-mole game—we all stand up in our cubes to talk and then go back down. “Hey, Brad.” I tell the few people around me I trust that I am going to a Tony Robbins seminar tomorrow. I have to jump through hoops at work with my boss to even make this possible. I had to get honest and tell my company that I was really depressed, contemplating jumping off a bridge and I needed some time off. They had me fill out a Family Medical Leave Act form. Thank God for FMLA.
Bing. A text message on my phone breaks my train of thought. It’s my friend Joe, and he is here. I grab my cigarettes and coat and run out the door to meet him in the parking lot. We instantly give each other a big bear hug. I love this guy. I worked with him 10 years ago in a telemarketing place, and we have been friends ever since. I feel like he understands me more than anyone in the planet some days. I love his wife, too. She understands that Joe and I are friends. They are the most attractive couple I know. I am a bridesmaid in their wedding next year.
A Kindred Soul
He hands me a book, Unlimited Power, by Tony Robbins. “Joe! I didn’t know you liked Tony Robbins!”
“I have been reading and listening to him for years,” he says with a smile. I take a cigarette out of my pack and light one up. I take a long drag and watch the paper on the cigarette slowly singe. Joe and I walk around to the smoking area of the office building and find a place to sit. Just being next to him I feel safe.
I say, “I am petrified about tomorrow. Going to Tony Robbins, leaving my family, being in a place I have never been before. Who knows what’s in Dallas? I know in my heart that I must go through with this though, no matter how scared I am. I feel like I am called to it. Like almost pulled by a cosmic force I can’t explain or see, I can only feel it in my soul. I know one thing is true right now. I just don’t want to feel like I am dying anymore.”
Our eyes meet, and he says, “You will always succeed, no matter where you go. Think about it. The last place we worked, you were number one booker five years in a row. Then, here, you’ve been the number one sales rep four years in a row. Everywhere you go and everything you touch, you make better.”
I have a hard time taking that compliment and I instantly start to look through the book to deflect his compliment and I realize, he has read the whole book. As I flip through the pages, I see he has carefully underlined passages he’s loved, especially certain parts about stepping into the person you want to become. I glance up at him and smile. It doesn’t surprise me. He is the smartest person I know, and his wife is the sweetest and the nicest. I am jealous of them sometimes because I see the love between them and I wish that for me and my husband. I get teary and say, “Thank you, Joe. Thank you.” He gives me a huge hug and we talk for another 20 minutes.
We get up and start walking back to his car. He is on his way to meet the love of his life for his engagement pictures. He is glowing. He turns and looks at me, “This is just the beginning for you. Call me or Cherie anytime, day or night, doesn’t matter, we will be there.”
As I watch him get into his car, I realize how grateful I am for his friendship. I run to the car before he pulls out and I knock on his window and get one more hug from him. I tell him to have fun with his beautiful bride-to-be, and I mean it with my whole heart.
I turn and walk back into the office. I have chills. I am holding a book, and tomorrow I am going to see the man who wrote it. My life is going to change tremendously. I am all in, I say to myself. I then say it out loud: “I am all in. I am ready.” I feel the presence again in that moment. I feel like I’m not alone. There is a force much greater than me at work behind the scenes here and I feel its grace and love.
That night I lay awake in my bed, feeling like a child on Christmas Eve. I am so excited and scared that I can’t fall asleep. I start to wonder about what lies ahead for me tomorrow as I take off toward my destiny, to Love Field in Dallas. I have never been there. Actually, I have never been on a plane by myself.
I lie next to my husband, listening to him breathe. I wish we had more of a connection. Most days I feel like we’re shouting at each other from two different worlds and our messages get scrambled along the way. We had fought earlier about my going. He couldn’t believe I took out a $5,000 loan. He couldn’t believe I am going away for four days. He said he wanted me to make him number one. He said he didn’t need this “Tony Robbins bullshit.”
Our marriage has been one of turmoil. Sure, we have had our amazing moments when things were picture-perfect but somehow we would always end up here, going to bed angry.
I think back to five years earlier where I am putting on my wedding dress. My sister is helping me. I’m looking in the mirror and my sister intuitively knows something is wrong. She is giving me a concerned look. I move away from her and stare out the window, my back turned to her. I stare out the window in my handmade lace wedding gown.
“He isn’t the one,” I manage to say. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love him very much, he is great man and we have a little girl together but I feel like my heart is telling me he isn’t the one.”
My sister says, “Carolyn, you don’t have to go through with this. You can cancel everything. People do it all the time.”
I turn and look her in the dead in the eyes. “It has to work. We have a child together. Plus, he takes care of me, like no one else I ever met. I will make him the one.” I walk past her and say, “Come on, let’s go get married.” With a small, sad smile on her face, she grabs me and hugs me. She says, “I love you no matter what you decide. I just want you to be happy.” I hide a tear that rolls down my face, quickly wiping it away.
“Let’s go,” I say.
That was five years ago. Mike and I have had many amazing magical moments and many dark moments. I don’t think anyone liked us together. Not his family and not my family. And when your family tells you that the person you’re with isn’t right for you, sometimes they are right. They can see something that you may be blinded to.
The uncertainty of losing my husband and then being alone—well, that is the most frightening thing in the world. I have never just been alone. I have always had some type of boyfriend or someone I was sleeping with or just having sex with.
But I do love Mike immensely. I didn’t know love until I met him. He vibrates my soul at times and other times I wonder how we made it this far. I love the man sleeping next to me with my whole heart. We had this sexual synergy that is to the moon and beyond. We were magnets for each other. But, as I prepared to change my life, all he wanted to do was watch TV and chill. I want more. I want to grow, expand, learn and love. I want to fly.
My sister Marie told me a story once. A husband and wife were in a house that was burning down. The man just stood there looking around at the fire and the woman went and found out a way out. She came running back into the house and grabbed the man’s hand. He looked at her blankly and sat down on the ground. She said, “What are you doing? Get up! Get up please! I found a way out of the fire.” The man stared blankly at the floor and shook his head no. “I do not know what is out there,” the man said. “GET UP!” The woman pleaded. “GET UP! PLEASE!” She shouted again and again. She looked at the only exit out of the burning house and then she looked back him and started to cry. She was so in love with him that she sat down beside him with tears flowing. She said, “I would rather die in this fire with you than to go out into the unknown world and face it without you.” They held hands as they died in the fire.
I do not want to die in the fire. My mind races with my heart. Why? Why can’t Mike understand my dream? I have this burning in my soul that must be satisfied or I will combust. I cannot pretend anymore that I am okay, that things are just fine. That’s the problem. I want to be better than just fine. I want to unleash my fucking soul. I allow myself to take a few deep breaths.
I am pulled towards a moment from a few hours ago. Mike and I are facing each other in the kitchen. He asks in desperation, “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?”
I take a deep breath before I answer. “I am dying. I can feel my body and my mind and my soul dying. That’s why I am going to see Tony Robbins,” I say, defending myself. He still doesn’t get it. I can tell from the way he is looking at me.
“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” I ask him, desperately wanting him to understand. He glares at me. He says, “I can tell you exactly how it’s going to go down. You are going to lose your job, then stick me with all this debt. It’s ridiculous. This is all your fault. All of it. In fact, I want nothing to do with it. Don’t ask me to take you to the airport or pick you up.”
He turns and walks away. I don’t know how to explain what’s happening within me. I feel amazing change is coming and if I don’t start taking action I will miss this opportunity to unleash and awaken my soul.
I come back to the moment and just breathe. I listen to Mike breathe in and out. I finally close my eyes and my racing thoughts slow, sinking into my mind’s deep ocean of swirling thoughts until I succumb to the darkness of sleep.
Chapter 2 Unleash the Power Within Event
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
Flying Into Destiny
I awake to someone banging on the door. I open my eyes to the clock that reads 5:30 a.m. My flight takes off in only two hours! Shit! I run down the steps and open the door. My sister, Marie, is standing there, ready to go. “You ready? I’ve been knocking for, like, 10 minutes.”
I’m not even packed yet. My alarm was set for 4 a.m. and I slept right through it. Self-sabotage is deep. This is deep. Why would I do this to myself? No time to over-analyze. There’s no way I’m going to miss this flight. I move faster than I ever have, stuff my things into a bag, throw on jeans and a t-shirt, and grab my sneakers. It is now 6:14 a.m.
I run out to the car and get in the back with my daughter, KK, holding her hand. She’s of course upset I’m leaving. I tell her I have to, to create a better life for us. I tell her I’m following my heart and I’ll be home in four days to love her up. She hugs me and holds my hand the whole way there. We pull up to the Philadelphia International Airport at 7:03 a.m.
I give KK one more hug. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky!” We place our hands over our hearts and give each other that look—that look of love we send each other with our thoughts. This started years ago, when she told me she missed me at lunch in school and wished she could hug me. I told her that anytime she missed me to place her hand over her heart and send me love. I told her I would feel it, and no matter where I was in the world I would put my hand over my heart and send her love back, and it would feel like she was getting a hug from me. She believed this with her whole little heart. We both did.
With tears in my eyes, I run into the airport and run to the front desk and explain my situation. They help me quickly and hand me my ticket. They tell me to run so I oblige.
I run. I run as fast as my legs will carry me. I cannot miss this flight. Please God, I say in my head. Please. Please. I get through security and then I run to gate 14. It’s 7:33 a.m. exactly. There’s a small line of people by the door. I made it. I smile for the first time in two hours. I breathe. I give them my ticket and I take my seat on the plane. I stare off towards the rising sun and the clouds. I smile as we lift off towards Love Field—lifting off towards my destiny. And then I fall asleep.
When we get to Dallas, I’m anxious to get off the plane since it’s been several hours since my last cigarette. As I get outside, I light up. I take a long hard drag in and exhale the smoke. I instantly feel calm. My nerves calm. I have smoked for 15 years, a pack and a half of cigarettes every day. People glare at me as I smoke. Fuck off, I think to myself. Cigarettes have been my best friends for as long as I can remember. I glance in my purse. Five five-hour caffeine shots and six packs of cigarettes. Here I’m going to a wellness conference to better myself and I have all this junk in my purse. I feel a little guilty and shameful. I feel tense again and decide there’s no time to dwell, I have to get moving.
I hail a taxi and drop my bags at my hotel with less than 10 minutes until the seminar. Luckily the event is right across the street. I see people wearing all these different-color necklaces walking in the same direction as me. They’re smiling and excited. Now I feel the excitement. It’s beaming from everyone. I feel myself opening to the energy within. I feel people in my heart. The necklaces read UPW DALLAS. Some say Diamond Premier. Some say General or VIP and I notice the special Platinum necklace.
As soon as I get into the seminar I can tell that energy-wise, we are in a different space. I feel limitless. There’s a long line for General tickets but with my ticket, there are no lines, thankfully.
I walk into the Diamond Premier lounge, and I’m handed my white necklace with red lettering on it, with my name and reading UPW DALLAS DIAMOND PREMIER. I put it on and I feel instant significance, part of something big. I feel like I matter. There is something about this necklace that is pure magic.
I ask the woman usher to please help escort me to my seat. The man behind me says, “Can you help me too?” He asks me, “Hi. First time here too?” He’s standing a little too close and though he seems nice enough, I don’t want to give the wrong signals. I chat briefly and then my walls fly up. The woman gestures for us to follow her and as we walk, the man continues to try to chat with me. I have this expression that lets you know I’m done talking with you. He doesn’t get it or he gets it and tries anyway, asking me to get a drink with him later that night. I tell him I do not drink and I am here strictly to fall in love with me.
Falling In Love With Myself
That’s the first time I say it. Fall in love with me. “I want to stop hating me and fall in love with myself,” I say out loud again to myself more than to anyone else. The woman escorts us to seats eight rows back from the front row. I want to get away from the man so I move a few seats over.
I tell the woman I thought I would get to sit in the front. There’s a section right directly to either side of the stage. I point to it and ask if I may sit there. The woman tells me, “That’s CSI. It’s only for Tony’s special friends and family.” Though I decide to not make a big deal out of this and take my seat with a smile, I’m determined to get into that family and friend section.
So, before the woman walks away, I say, “By tomorrow I want to be sitting in the Tony Robbins friends and family section.”
She smiles and says, “I’ll see what I can do!”
Then, a song starts playing and there’s an announcement: “Let’s get it started in here!” I jump to my feet and so does everyone else. A team of people comes out to the stage and starts dancing. Everyone is following them. I start clapping, swinging my hips and I can feel this incredible energy in the room. I have never felt anything quite as amazing as this. Now imagine this energy being up. NOW, IMAGINE TURNING IT UP 10 MORE LEVELS.
As Tony Robbins enters, everyone moves forward and is jumping up and down, dancing and screaming! This man, this legend, comes out on stage and is looking right at me, I think. He makes direct eye contact with me and I can feel this unbelievable, amazing energy pouring into me. I soak it up like water into a sponge. I imagine my energy swirled into his.
He tells us to jump up and down. He tells us to massage the person next to us. He tells us to raise our right arm and slap the person’s ass in front of us. He tells us about the six human needs: Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth, Contribution.
He connects the dots in my mind and explains about the movie Scrooge. The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future: If we could take people through a process that would show them exactly what would happen if they didn’t stop doing what they were doing, such as smoking for example, the ghost of Christmas Future would show dying a terrible death and leaving children and grandchildren behind.
This makes sense to me. Everything he explains seems like common sense to me. I realize this was exactly what was happening to me! I realized how messed up it was that we were not taught this information in school. Our happiness is so much more important than our grades, history or algebra.
I have a vision flash through me as he is teaching us. I envision myself on stage in front of 7,000 people. I feel the vibrations of the people in the crowd jumping up and down. I feel the energy all the way down to every fiber of my soul.
That’s the first time I see through the eyes of myself in the future. It’s the first time I have a vision within my heart. I’m transported back to the room and open my eyes. Tony has just walked us through another meditation and now he wants us to celebrate. Tony constantly makes eye contact with me. His energy streams into me when he is looking at me and I never look away. I stream back with just as much energy.
I start to mirror this legend. He bangs on his chest. I bang on mine. He tilts his head back and lifts his head up and I do the same. He roars. I roar louder.
I’m instantly jealous of Tony Robbins. I want to be him; not really him, but me. I want to be me, on stage and performing all over the world. I sit on the edge of my seat and absorb energy from this man. He’s incredible. It is amazing. I learn about my values and what I want in my life. I create new beliefs for myself.
Woman Who Walks On Fire
Tony spends four hours teaching us how to overcome our fear of walking over fire. We anchor a positive state. He explains NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and tells us we can change our state at any moment.
“How fast can you change your emotional state?!” he asks.
Then, 7,000 people snap their fingers and yell “Like that!” Being around 7,000 people who are investing in themselves and climbing the success ladder makes me happy.
He raises his hand and asks, “Are you with me? Say I!”
Seven thousand souls raise their hands and shout, “I!” I have never met people just like me, but here people all around me are full of enthusiasm and heart and cheer. I feel transported to my happy place, as if everyone there is connected somehow. Tony Robbins connects us all through emotional bliss. We are in and out of meditations, jumping up and down.
This is better than sex, I think to myself as we go about the day! I feel like howling at the moon! “YOW-OW-OW!!” This is awesome. I feel like I belong. All the years I tried fitting in, and I finally have found a place where I feel right at home. “YES YES YES!” we shout.
And now comes the part where we walk over flaming hot coals.
Tony tells us what to chant as we walk over fire. “Cool moss! Cool moss!” He makes jokes: “Why cool moss? Because it’s better than hot moss!” and everyone laughs a nervous laugh. For most of the people here, and for myself, it’s our first time walking over fire. We will be walking over coals that are 1,200 degrees; flesh burns at 134 degrees. Just saying.
Needless to say, I am scared.
But I am also excited. Excited to do something that I told myself normally would be impossible. Tony explains how our habitual emotional states are creating our reality. That makes sense to me. He tells me that he will get us into peak emotional state, using anchoring and movement and visualization together.
This has been a long day and it’s now 11:30 p.m. and I have been up since 5 a.m.—but the funny thing is that I don’t feel tired. I feel alive for the first time in my life. I feel on fire and energized.
I walk out with my fire buddy, a lovely woman with a London accent who grabs me and we shout and scream YES! YES! YES! YES! We clap and dance and then it’s almost our turn. Before I know it one of the Tony Robbins trainers grabs me and says, “STEP UP! YES! YES! YES!”
I’ve never had a more powerful moment in my whole life. Thousands of people walk outside to walk on coals that are 1,200 degrees. I start to doubt myself and think about how scared I am. My turn to walk over the 1,200 degree coals, the trainer says again, “Step up!”
I say, “YES!” and make my move. I slam my hand on my chest and shout “YES!”
And I walk over the fire with unstoppable confidence and effortless ease. I celebrate and hug my buddy. I jump up and down and feel like I could fly. I feel so strong. So empowered. I feel like I can do anything. I breathe in this feeling. I have just conquered what few people get to do. “I have walked on FIRE! I AM OFFICIALLY A FIREWALKER! So. This is Day One,” I say out loud to myself. This is my destiny. This is what I flew out here for.
Everyone starts to head back to the main room and grab their stuff, and I see people taking pictures with the people they came with and everyone is talking. I’m grateful I’m alone. I’ve never had time like this to myself. I send some gratitude into the universe and as I walk out of the main room. I smile a smile that I have never smiled before. I get tears in my eyes.
I’m awakening. This is part of my awakening, a part of my vision. I’m going to become the hero of my life, I decide right now. Why not me? Why not?
Limiting Beliefs To Limitless Gratitude
As I walk back to my hotel room, I light a cigarette. I realize I have not eaten all day. I’m starving. What stops me is how ridiculous this is to be smoking after a day like this.
I think about how lucky I am. I am so grateful. I thank the universe for everything that I have experienced today. I cannot wait to see what tomorrow holds. I have learned how much our beliefs affect us. My limiting beliefs were holding me back. Walking over fire has made me realize that I can do, be, and have anything I want. By the end of the night, I am vibrating joy and energy.
Day One, and I have created a new belief. There are a thousand unseen hands that guide me on my journey. I walk into my hotel room and start to prepare for bed. I brush my teeth, I floss and as I look in the mirror at myself, and I smile. I smile truly at myself for the first time in years. I get into bed and thank the universe for today. I close my eyes, and fall asleep instantly.
October 24, 2014
I awake to the sunlight peeking through the window. I watch the sunrise and I feel the excitement for what’s coming towards me. I close my eyes and let the warmth of the sun stream onto my face. I see the vision again. I see me helping thousands. I feel the vibrations underneath my feet.
I open my eyes, shower and get dressed quickly. I walk out of my hotel room with a pep in my step—and with more energy than I would have imagined after a night like last night. I walk into the main event room and grab a seat next to a very handsome man. He is young, fresh and he smells nice. I smile at him and instantly he smiles back.
He says, “Hi I’m Ajay Gupta.” “Hi, I’m Carolyn Rim,” I say with a wink and smile. He asks, “Is this your first UPW?”
“YES!” I say, with more excitement and enthusiasm than he probably expected. He has an intense look and instantly I realize I have made a friend.
“I like your energy,” he says. I get that all the time. I can be calm as hell, but I get it all the time. “I love your energy.” I smile at him, and right before I’m about to say thank you, dance music starts playing. It’s time.
We both jump up out of our chairs, and the 7,000 other people join us. The dancers come out and get everyone’s energy up even more and then Joseph McClendon III comes out on stage. I immediately make eye contact with him and he starts shaking his ass. I run up to the stage and can feel his energy! He is amazing! He is a great dancer, dancing on stage with all the other dancers.
He has us all sit down and says, “So some of you thought you were getting a six-foot-seven white man and got a five-foot-seven black man. I can feel all of you judging me. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Isn’t he amazing?’” We all laugh. He is amazing.
Ajay and I are partners. I look at the Unleash the Power Within notebook and the questions I am given. What do I love? I can’t remember the last time I sat down and actually wrote down what I loved. So I give high fives, I slap asses, I fist-pump. I get into a peak emotional state. I have never felt so good in my life.
Listening to a Voice of Truth
I have to pee and I need a cigarette. I grab my smokes and run out of the room. I run to the bathroom. And everyone is moving quickly. No one wants to miss anything. I laugh, thinking how funny we all must look racing in and out of the bathrooms. I come out of the bathroom, out of the main room and see a booth, Robbins Coaching.
I decide to give this a go; I get one free session with them anyway. I fill out the paperwork and wait to speak with someone. It only takes a few minutes, but I haven’t smoked yet and it’s been three hours since my last smoke and I’m bit on edge because I need nicotine. This beautiful blonde woman tells me Scott Chamberlain is available to speak with me now. Scott has white hair and is wearing a sharp gray suit. He looks like he’s in the Mafia. Tall, strong and broad. He is in his mid-50s, I guess, and very attractive.
As soon as we start talking, all I can think about is a cigarette. He’s asking me, What’s my outcome? What goals do I have? Who is the most important person in my life?
I answer him on autopilot. I finally tell him I cannot speak with him right now because I want to smoke and I stand up to leave. He looks at me straight in the eyes, and in a tone that demands to be listened to, he says, “Sit down. You can go smoke in a minute.”
I sit down again. I listen to him because he speaks with authority. Some women in the booth are clearly eavesdropping. Scott pulls me back to focus. He tells me to close my eyes and take a deep breath. He says, “Now picture your sweet little girl and you on a pack of cigarettes.” I clear my mind and let each of his words seep into my mind and create a mental image. Each word hits me like a brick and takes me deeper and deeper.
He says to picture that cigarette pack in color and very up-close. He says to picture us both smiling and happy. I start to feel a warm wonderful feeling in my heart as I think about KK and me hugging each other.
Without warning, he raises his voice: “NOW RIP YOURSELF OUT OF THERE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE ANYMORE. YOU CAN CUT YOUR FACE RIGHT OUT OF THAT PICTURE! YOU HURT EVERYONE WITH YOUR SMOKING BUT THE PERSON YOU HURT THE MOST WAS YOURSELF!” He says, “NOW GO SMOKE YOUR DISGUSTING CIGARETTES!”
I’m shaking. My face is hot. It feels like steam’s coming off my body, all the toxins leaving my body that instant. Nobody has ever spoken to me like that. I open my eyes, unable to get any words out at first as I blink away tears.
“I don’t want to smoke anymore,” I say. My voice is quiet at first and steadily gets louder as I start to scream, “I don’t want to smoke anymore!”
I look around. The eavesdropping women have their eyes glued to me, as does Scott Chamberlain. They’re a bit worried what I will do next. But I smile and high-five every person here. I drop down to the floor with the tears still flowing, a smile on my face and do 10 push-ups as Scott and his staff cheer me on. Scott grabs me and hugs me. I do not know why this man has changed me in an instant—maybe because I have wanted it so badly. I look into his eyes deeply and say a heartfelt, “Thank you.” I am done and instead of going outside to smoke, I go back into the main room.
Joseph McClendon is walking everyone through a closed-eye meditation. I run up to my seat in the front. The crew member who sat me yesterday gets my attention. She says she can put me up front, right next to the stage in CSI, special friends and family section. I smile and walk over to the very front row, stage right, in CSI. As I make eye contact with McClendon, he smiles at me and I smile back. There’s a connection made. Not sure what it is but I feel it in my soul like I know him. Like I have met him before. Maybe in another life. Something connects deep within my soul.
I sit straight up in my chair and I take only two other breaks for the rest of the 12-hour day! I learn about physiology, assistitude (or, shaking one’s ass to bring about positive joyous emotion). I learn about changing my state. I learn about dancing and enjoying life and creating a final outcome. I love the people I meet in the group. I get especially close with a girl named Krissy Richards and a man named Jeffrey Davis. They sell a product called Vi, it’s on all their shirts, hats and gear. Cool, I think to myself. Team on a mission! I tell them about quitting smoking an hour ago even though cigarettes had been all I could think about at the moment.
I meet two web designers, Angie and Tony. They are here to set up a deal with Tony Robbins but it fell through since one of their partners got greedy and wanted more money. They told me Tony backed out after that. I explain to them I’m interested in building a website about falling in love with myself and I want to help others fall in love with themselves in the process.
My website will be called 30daystolovemyself.com. I was so mean to myself for so many years, taking a bat to myself inside my mind—I want to help others fall in love with their real selves. They tell me they can help me! I’m so excited! Me?! I thought: Have my own website? How incredible! I also tell them I quit smoking and I do five push-ups in front of them because whenever I need a cigarette I’m going to do five push-ups. We play full-out all day long.
I go back to my hotel room alone and decide to treat myself to a nice dinner. I had not really had a meal in two days, now that I think about it. At the restaurant attached to the conference center, I order wings—10 BBQ wings. I order a drink, my usual a water with lemon. I see Ajay Gupta there with a few people. He calls me over and introduces me to Taylor Weiss. Ajay tells me they are Tony Robbins sales reps and he introduces me to his team.
Later, while I am mingling in the restaurant, I see everyone from that day in there—the web designers, a couple who was having issues, and a bunch of other people. I start telling my story to everyone. I had $36 in the bank and took out a $5,000 loan to see Tony Robbins and decided to go all in on me for the first time in my life. I play pool and laugh. The wings come and I enjoy each bite. Things taste better now that I’m at UPW. as if I’m transported from the real world into an alternate universe and everyone is nice, passionate and constantly energized and beaming.
Angie and Tony, the web designers, call me over to a table where they are sitting with eight other people. Angie asks me to tell my story again about taking the loan out and quitting smoking. I do and I even do a few push-ups to drive it home. Everyone at the table loves me. I feel like I have finally found people who “get” me. They understand my jokes. My message. My story lines. Amazing things keep happening, I’m thinking that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I look around at how everyone is treating me differently. People are respecting me and finally understanding me. Everything is lining up.
On the walk back to my room, I can’t stop smiling about what an incredible day this has been—even better than the first. In my hotel room, I look in my purse. I have five packs of cigarettes left and a few five-hour caffeine shots. I didn’t plan on quitting smoking and had brought six packs of cigarettes for a four-day trip. I grab the cigarette packs and carefully put them on the floor. I surprise myself by undressing and keeping just my cowgirl boots on. I start jumping on the cigarette packs! I stomp on them and scream, “No more! No more! Not one more moment will you steal from me!” It feels freeing and beautiful. I am crushing the packs under my boots and feeling combustion within my soul. I feel alive for the first time in forever.
I realize I love change and transformation. I’m going to embrace change head-on. I will no longer let the fear of the unknown paralyze me. I will no longer give myself bullshit excuses why I cannot quit smoking or why I cannot go after my dreams or why I have to be stuck in a cube the rest of my life.
I am ready to live out loud. I smile through my tears of relief. My eyes are opening. My heart is beating fast, steady and strong. I have just been ignited. In bed, I feel energized, alive, awakened, ignited. I have never felt a feeling like this before. I feel like I am vibrating. I pray. I cry. I thank God. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’m so grateful.” I finally close my eyes with my heart awakened and open to the gift of life.
Day 3: “Transformation Day”
I show up early and walk into the event. By this time, I know a ton of people and I walk in giving high fives and laughing and joking with all of Tony’s staff and crew members. Everyone keeps whispering, “Its transformation day!” I have no idea what this means as I have already had several transformations since I have been here.
I get to sit in the friends and family section again. The people there save me a seat. They know me by name and when I walk into the front, I can almost feel all eyes on me. I just smile and be me, which makes me feel loved and happy. Someone once told me when I walked into a room, it was really hard not to notice me. They said I was bright and I lit up the room like a bright star in a dim universe. They said, “You don’t even have to say a thing, Carolyn. Your energy just illuminates and your happiness and joy for life is contagious.”
I think about that as I walk through the crowd of 7,000 people as their eyes turn towards me. I smile at all of them. I lock eyes with Tony Robbins when I get to the front. He smiles at me. I sit down and say hello to everyone.
“Hey, amazing people!” I say with a wink and a smile. Krissy and Jeff, the people from Vi, look at me and smile. I may end up selling the product. It’s just so much money to invest—$600 I don’t have. But I really want to support them.
Tony Robbins, the amazing legend, breaks my train of thoughts. He tells us to jump up and down and tells everyone to celebrate life. WOW. What a concept. I wonder when the last time I celebrated life was? I don’t remember.
I realize I’m over thinking so I breathe in and out and relax. I enjoy the process. I can feel the vibrations as thousands of feet jump up and down all around me. I can feel the vibrations in their voices as they say hi to me. The camera loves me and I’m put on the big screens so much! People hug me, high-five me. I run to pee and when I come back, I see someone left a little note on my seat that says my smile brightens the room! I decide to put the napkin in my purse as a little keepsake. Tony takes us through visualizations, in and out. I close my eyes, I take deep breaths, and he takes us in and out of priming. He tells me how I feel is the most important thing. He tells us to be grateful for this moment right here. Right now. Breathe in and out and decide to rise up and step into our greatness. We chant about 100 times and I love it.
“Now I AM the voice. I will lead, not follow. I will believe, not doubt. I will create, not destroy. I AM a force for good. I AM a leader. Defy the odds! Set a new standard! Step up!” I say it and feel it over and over again. The words saturate my subconscious mind. Tony walks us through the Empowering Dickens (Christmas Past, Present, Future) Process. He takes us through our limiting beliefs and dismantles them. He makes me go into the future and look at my life—if I don’t do anything different, if I continue to stay the same, what will happen? Who will I hurt? Who will I let down? I feel and hear the screams which feel like a purgatory to me. I feel the screams I hear leave a mark on my soul. The thousands of souls screaming looking at the future they will surely have if they don’t change anything. I see my future. I see myself an old woman in my cube. Still unhappy. Unchanged. Unchallenged.
Tony asks us, “Is this who you are? Is this what you want?” We all shout back “NOOOOO.” He tells us to make our move and snap out of it. He makes us go to the future and look at our life the way we want it to be. Tony says to write down what we want to accomplish and what we would do to close the gap from where we are now to where we want to be.
As I allow my heart’s voice to flow from me onto the page, I write, “I will have a happy, exciting, fulfilled life. I will be making millions of dollars by being a motivational speaker and helping people. I will speak in front of thousands of people and I will inspire millions of people to open their hearts. I will fall madly deeply in love with myself and be an example for all those who look at me. I exist in this world to benefit and refresh all that I touch with my energy.”
Tony leads us through another visualization. He tells us Our subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between something vividly imagined and something actually happening. How do we look? What car do we drive? Where do we live? Who is in our life? He leads us to the past. I go back to the most painful memories in my life and pull out all the darkness and replace it with sunshine and magic. I decide the past no longer gets to have my present and my future.
I decide life is a beautiful gift. I have chills, my heart is pounding and I’m shedding tears. Tony says, “Gratitude changes everything. It truly is the secret to all abundance and happiness. Place your hand over your heart. Take a deep breath. Feel your heartbeat, feel the love, feel the happiness, and step into a moment you can feel deeply grateful for. Take a deep breath into your heart and feel the power of your heart. You are right where you are guided to be.”
I never knew I could create that amazing feeling. I never knew I could have that much joy just by closing my eyes, without leaving a room. Tony’s instructions melt and resolve any resistance in my heart. Tony helps me focus on what truly is important in my life and says something that makes my knees go weak: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” I start crying and smiling. A stream of gorgeous thoughts come to me.
I AM amazing. I AM happy. I AM brilliant. I AM beautiful. I AM MAGIC. I AM.
Truly, LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. So many happy tears shed, I didn’t know tears like that existed until I met Tony Robbins. I am a soul in a body and I have a mission—to infuse the world with love, to infuse this world with compassion and joy, happiness and smiles. As Tony would say, what’s wrong with our life is always available. And so is what’s right. WE decide where we put our focus.
We Are All Gifts
Tony continues to say things that spark a sizzle in my soul. He says, “Modeling will get you to your goal 50 percent faster. If you really want to be successful, you must have a mentor who has what you want.” That clicked and seeped into my subconscious. I get chills. I know at this very moment that I am something incredible. That I am supposed to be on stage. I have a vision. I am on top of the world. I allow all my desires I have been holding back to shoot from my heart into the universe like a firework. I spread my wings and as I do I send a ripple like a stone into a pond. I am inspiring the world and everyone’s hearts are glowing bright. I will have a ripple effect around the world. I feel my heart calling to me! Yes! I feel a surge of energy between my mind and my heart. A chord created that can never be cut. My heart shines and tears come, overflowing with compassion, love and gratitude for my life. I am connected with everyone and everything.
That night Tony Robbins gets out a water gun and has a water fight with 7,000 souls. I feel like I am finally in the space I should be. I look around with gratitude when I feel him looking at me intensely, and I feel like I knew Tony from the moment I saw him a few days ago. Like two kindred spirits.
He calls me over to the stage and he looks at me. I don’t know what to do but instinctively I raise my right hand up to touch his. He doesn’t say a word, he just grabs my hand and with his wide eyes staring straight into my soul, I feel loved. Not just by him but by myself for the first time in my life. He lifts my hand up and he kisses it. We look at each other for another three to five seconds but to me, it feels like hours. I mouth to him, “Thank you.” He places his big hand on his heart and nods at me. I may as well be walking on liquid sunshine right now. Something has been opened within me. I can finally see the light after all these years in darkness.
Later that night I’m in my hotel crying tears of joy and gratitude. I get on my knees beside my bed and I thank the universe for every bad moment, for every dark moment because I realized today that I needed every dark moment to make my mountaintops feel better, taste better and be better. I am truly grateful for the first time in my life. I go over to the mirror and I send myself love. I am a gift. WE are all gifts. I feel the presence of God all around me.
Tonight before I close my eyes, I look up at the Dallas stars and I wish on them. I allow myself to dream again like a child. I decide I want to wish on one of the stars. I allow myself to step into the field of infinite possibility. “I wish I were a speaker and inspiring millions of people all over the world to open their hearts opens and make their dreams come true.”
Life Will Never Be the Same
I wake up the next morning sad and happy at the same time. I’m sad because it’s almost over. I am happy because life will never be the same. I don’t feel like the same person. I feel different. I feel lighter. I feel better more alive. I walk in to find thousands of people dancing and shaking their asses with Joseph McClendon. I smile as I walk and dance up the aisle. I can’t help but feel Joseph keeps looking directly at me. Connecting with me. He locks eyes and smiles a smile that hits my soul. He is enlightened. I’m going for it. I play full-out all day.
As the day progresses I learn about my health, body, food intake and energy levels. We do a visualization about drawing a line in the sand, crossing it and stepping into the person we want to be. I look at the time. Its 4:23 p.m. I have to leave. My flight takes off soon. I have 10 minutes to make something happen before I must walk out these doors. How? I’m in a room with 7,000 people—how am I going to make this happen? I shine, I tell myself. I am not like anyone else in this room and I’m here for a reason and a mission. I am not going to leave here without a mentor. I’m making one of these men, either Tony or Joseph, my mentor.
I quickly rip off some paper from my notebook and I write my number on it with a few words. “Ready...Set... Mentor ME.”
Mustering up all my courage. I bang on my chest. I decide to take massive action! The security guards are looking at me as I walk up to them. You see, I would have charged Tony Robbins but he has seven bodyguards, and Joseph McClendon has only three. I cannot take on seven bodyguards, but by God, I am confident I can take on three.
I charge the three security guards and reach my hand up with the note, and start screaming at the top of my lungs. “Please Joseph Take it, take it, take it!” Almost in slow motion, he locks eyes with mine and then reaches his hand down and our fingers touch briefly and sparks fly. He takes my note and puts it in his pocket. He motions for the security guards to let me go. He goes back to teaching the seminar.
Hurrying to catch my flight, I grab my purse and float out of this amazing seminar. I hug my friends, the people who say they will help build my website, the Vi people. Everyone.
I have just shifted my reality, the course of my destiny. I walk out of there with my spirit beaming. I am happy. I don’t even care if Joseph calls me. All I care about is that I have done it. I charged the stage with the cosmic force of the universe behind me. I get on the flight from Dallas to Philly, with only one difference:
I am a completely different person than I was four days ago...
A SAMPLE OF CHAPTER 3
Reentry into the World
“Life will never be the same again.”
I had turned off my Facebook account months ago after my husband and I could not handle each other’s messages to others and comments. We decided to just get off social media altogether. After the Tony Robbins event I went back on Facebook because so many people said they wanted to keep in touch.
Here is my first post back on Facebook, with a photo of Krissy Richard and me at the Tony Robbins Seminar in Dallas: I am glowing. LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
My husband is so mad at me he will not even pick me up at the airport. My friend Brit Lamb (she calls herself Brit Wolf, which I find fitting) comes to get me. However, when she comes, she can tell something has totally shifted. Something big.
I feel awkward for the first time around her. I tell her about everything. We grab a coffee at a diner. I tell her my dream and vision. She says, “Carolyn, if there is one person in this whole world that can do what you want to do, it’s you.” I can tell she meant that because she chooses her words carefully and she does not speak one word of fluff. She only gives compliments when she means them. Brit is probably one of my best friends in the world and I am so grateful for her and for the ride home. I arrive home Sunday at 10:30 p.m. I feel energized and on fire even though it’s so late. I walk into my home but nothing looks the same. Everything is different. It is nighttime but I hear the morning birds singing inside my soul.
I go upstairs and as I get ready for bed and brush my teeth, I look at myself in the mirror. I’m silencing the inner of voice doubt. “No more will you torture me.” I smile at myself in the mirror. The inner critic was still saying, “You think this will last, Carolyn. You will not make it.”
I don’t listen to the critic tonight. I am so grateful I have finally leaped into the dark. Quietly, I crawl into bed with my husband. I can make this work. He will come with me into the world of infinite possibilities and swirling, twirling love and light. I can make this work. I will tell him all about it in the morning. I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes and fall asleep into the darkness.
But this time, as I fall asleep, I see myself as a bright star in a dim universe lighting it up with my beautiful fucking energy. I fall asleep smiling within and without.
Back to Reality
I wake up the next morning and feel like I am being jolted back into reality. Car horns beeping. I’m stuck in morning traffic on my way back to my job. I am still smiling and “shaking thine ass” in the car listening to the amazing UPW playlist someone posted in the group, but I can feel the slow pull back into old thought patterns. “Nothing has changed, Carolyn, you are still just a sales rep for Medical Alert. You are just a telemarketer. You are average. You are not a hero. Stop kidding yourself,” the inner critic taunts me. I pull into the lot. I take a deep breath.
I decide that I am done with Medical Alert. Just as I was done with the cigarettes, I am done with Medical Alert. Not another moment will I stay nailed to the bland gray walls of my cube. I walk into the office and place my stuff on the desk like I had a million times before, but this time I’m different. I am changed. I walk into my boss’s office. “Keith, I am giving you my two weeks’ notice.”
Stacy and Keith, the directors, stare at me. “Hi, Carolyn. How are you? Us? We’re good, too.” He’s teasing—I didn’t even say hello.
I say, “Sorry, guys. I’m just scared that if I don’t act now, I’ll never act on this feeling in my heart.”
Keith stares into me. “Are you sure? You just got back!” he says.
I say, “Absolutely not. I am fucking petrified but if I stay here I’m certain that I will continue to die. And the pain of staying here is greater than the pain of finding something new so I have to embrace the uncertainty.”
I’ve been with these two souls for six years. I am so scared I’m almost crying. I had been the one who connected the one director, Stacy, here and got her a job. We have been friends a long time.
“Okay,” Stacy says and she stands up and grabs a paper from the desk. “Write down that you are resigning and sign here.” She hands me a pen. My hands are shaking.
“What am I doing?” the inner critic is asking. The doubt is slowly seeping into my pores. I sign in spite of my nerves. As I walk out of their office, my mind is going crazy. The bad inner voice says, “What did you just do? Go back there and beg for your job back! Are you nuts?”
I sit in my cube the rest of the day scared as hell. Too much change is happening. I’m so fearful, at 2 p.m. I jump up from my desk. I run back into Keith’s office. “I rescind my quitting!” I look at putting in my resignation like telling a vampire it can come into the house and then deciding to rescind my invitation to them!
After thinking this, I realize how absurd and crazy I must sound. Keith looks up from the computer and he says, “Okay. I will take care of it. Let me call corporate and tell them you changed your mind.”
I feel so relieved. “Thank God.” He calls them with me in the office and he looks stressed. I can tell he really wants to help me but corporate is saying something on the line.
He says, “I don’t understand. She’s going through a lot and we should…” his voice trails off, and I can tell he was just cut off by them. “Okay I’ll tell her.” He hangs up “Carolyn, I’m so sorry. You already signed the papers. You have to resign,” he says.
I manage to say, “Thank you for trying. I’ll be okay.”
As I walk from Keith’s office back to my desk, I feel like this universe has big plans for me, whether I believe it or not. I feel so scared, though. What will my husband say? I just took out a $5,000 loan. We have bills to pay. What am I going to do about money?
At that exact moment, as if by divine intervention, I get a call on my cell phone....
SO WHAT DID YOU THINK? COMMENT BELOW! WANT TO KEEP READING????
Click the link below to buy Awakening The Heart on Amazon today! THIS BOOK WILL MOVE YOU INTO ACTION! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE AND AWAKEN YOUR HEART!
CLICK HERE TO ORDER AWAKENING THE HEART TODAY!
Review of the book:
“Carolyn Rim’s energy within these stories will ignite a burning fire in your heart. This book will not only awaken your heart, it will possibly even help you dig up your own lost dreams. Just a warning: Reading this book could result in taking massive action in your own life.”
—Joseph McClendon III, Ph.D.
As Always My Little Love Popsicles.... Sending you High Fives, Hugs, & Pattern Breaking Ass Slaps,
Founder of Spark Your Rockstar, LLC
Join the Rockstars of 1000's of people making dreams come true in the
SPARK YOUR ROCKSTAR COMMUNITY: www.facebook.com/groups/sparkenergy
Spark Your Rockstar