This story is so crazy that I myself am still in awe. Don't allow anyone to talk you out of your dreams.
On Saturday night, in my home town at 730pm- it was 5 degrees and with the windchill it felt like -10 below freezing. I was reading all these articles how homeless people risk freezing to death in weather like this. Something came over me, I decided in that moment, with seeing all the pics of men, woman and children sleeping out in the cold and in their cars, that I was going to sleep outside and livestream it. My goal was to raise 10k. I kept thinking about how we spend billions of dollars trying to find life on other planets, yet we don't take care of the life on our own. I thought about all the empty foreclosed homes and all the people living on the streets.
Something struck a chord and I decided to go all in for people I didn't know but who I care so deeply for. I called my business coach, he said that, and I quote, "This has nothing to do with your brand. We will hold an event to raise money if you want- but get this crazy idea out of your head." My sister called me after she saw my post on fb about sleeping outside in the cold, and told me that I needed an intervention that this was crazy. I decided not to listen to the people in my life. I decided to listen to my gut. As I put on my jacket and gloves, I thought about how many people let others talk them out of something that they are passionate about, not because they don't care, its actually the opposite, its because they do care and they are scared for you.
Before I went outside, I closed my eyes for a moment in stillness and got on my knees. Something emotional came over me and tears started streaming down my face. I asked God for strength needed for the night to come. Ten I opened my eyes wiped my tears and I opened my front door to enter the bitter cold.
So at 930pm on Saturday night, I went outside and on to the freezing cold streets of Philadelphia. My post started to go viral and donations started pouring in. I went on periscope and streamed and posted videos to the website.
Within 2 hours, we had collected over $2,000 dollars with 100% of it for the homeless. Sleeping outside in the cold - was one of the hardest experiences of my life. My hands were on fire and burning. With the windchill, it felt like -10 degrees below freezing and every time the wind blew, it would send a burning sensation onto any area that was not covered up. People were looking at me as they walked by with disgusting looks. I am never looked at like that- and it was humbling to see what a homeless person goes through.
As the night went on, I had to keep getting up and walking to keep myself warm and keep from freezing. I had people in my community stay up with me all night and make sure I was okay and alive. Some guy named John Wolfe stayed with me to make sure I was okay. I even had a friend, who came up to Philadelphia and stayed with me through the night and brought me a battery for my phone too. Apparently his wife, a long time friend of mine, Marie McAfee saw me on periscope and decided that someone had to help me! lol She later told me, after seeing me their out there in the cold, all she she had to do was look at Bill who was sitting right next her, and he rolled his and said, "Ok, I will get my coat." As I think back now, I am 100% confident that Bill, Marie and John were angels. I would not have made it through the night without them.
At 7am, I was literally falling asleep standing up. I walked about 5 miles through out the night to keep my body from freezing. I decided to go home, to my warm bed. I had a whole new perspective on life. I had never been more grateful for my home. I ended up raising over $9,000 and donations are still coming in.
This goes to show you that one person, when their heart is in the right place can make a difference. My family and a few friends told me that I was crazy and that sleeping outside wouldn't do anything but get myself sick. It is sad to say but in most cases, your friends and family will be the ones who try to convince you not to move towards what you feel passionately about. Why? Not because they are mean, or trying to hurt you, but because they love you and because of their own fears.
So next time you have a great idea, don't let anyone talk you out of it. If I listened to my coach, my sister, and my dad, I would not have went and slept outside and I would not have raised all that money. The money I raised will get men, women and children out of the cold, sheltered and fed. Anything is possible if you believe it is. YOU can and do make a difference in the world.
So take a look at your life today and think about where you may have wanted to step forward and go for something but you allowed others to talk you out of it. Or how you didn't let others talk you out of something and you succeeded! It's through sharing our stories that we can empower and inspire others to reach for the stars and make the impossible possible.
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Sending you hugs, high fives, and pattern breaking ass slaps,
Carolyn Rim <3
Today, I was thinking about how important it is to have people in your life that push you forward to evolve. It reminds me of a time when my daughter taught me one of my most valuable lessons in my life. Back in the summer, I was at the pool with my 7 year old who came running over to me. She said, "Mommy, I want to jump off the high diving board but I can't until I take the test. I am ready to take the swim test. I know I can do it." I said, "Baby that's something you do in the beginning of the day not the end. We have been here three hours and your tired there is no way you can do it now." I looked at my little girls face and realized I just told her she couldn't do something. Her mother, the one who preaches to people all day long that anything is possible. My little girl looked up at me and said, "You told me I could do anything if I believe I can and I believe I can."
I got tears in my eyes because my little girl teaches me lessons daily but this one struck a chord in my soul. I said, "Kaylee I believe in you too and I know you can. Let's do it."
I watched my little girl jump in the pool and put on her goggles. She looked up at me through the googles. I stared back and pointed at my heart. I then pointed at her and told her today was her day. I could see by the nervous smile on her face that she needed a boost. I said, "Kaylee, I got you baby. Just promise me you will give me your best." She said, "I promise mom," as pointed to her little heart, "to give it my whole heart." I had tears in my eyes as I watched the life guard come over to do the swim test. She had to swim 2 laps and then trend water for 1 min without taking a break he said.
The whistle blew. I saw my little girl start swimming and she was slow but she was steady doing freestyle. I was walking along the pool clapping. "Come on baby!" I said. "You look great! You are almost there!" About a lap and a half in she looked at me through tired eyes and shook her little head and started swimming towards the wall to give up. After I had been cheering her on and running along side her this whole time and I wasn't about to let her give up on herself so easy. I said, "Kaylee, I will not allow you to give up because I know you can do this! Now, You have a half a lap to go! Now Kick those little legs and get to the other side!!! You can and will finish this! I BELIEVE BABY." The two lifeguards were stunned. My little gave me a huge smile and somehow she found the strength to keep moving. Her little legs kicked faster and faster until her hand finally touched the wall. The lifeguard looked at me and smiled. A small crowd had formed at my loud cheering. As Kaylee got out of the pool, they clapped for her. She had the biggest smile on her face. She got out of the pool tired but smiling. We gave each other the biggest high five ever.
Then I pointed to the diving board and said, "Your Trophy awaits you lil champion." She started running over to the diving board and stopped. She looked back at me and came running back to give me a squeeze and then went running over to jump off the diving board.
As I watched her jump off, I realized opportunities to make a difference are all around us and usually they are found in the little things. Everyday tasks may seem meaningless but they are the core moments of our life that can be the factor whether we believe in ourselves or not. Everything we say and do matters. I would never again doubt my little girl when she tells me she was ready for something. My rockstar warrior heart goes BADA BOOM for my little girl.
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Founder of Spark Your Rockstar, LLC
He leaned in and said- "Carolyn, while others are being voted for prom queen and who will be most successful, your being voted as most likely to die of an overdose. Wake the fuck up."
I was 16 years old in this picture. If you look hard enough... You can see the pain in my eyes. I am going to share some things that I normally would not share on Facebook or for that matter with anyone else. I know many would rather I hide the truth, but honestly, I have nothing to hide anymore.
My client was the one who inspired me to write this. He just kept saying he had nothing to hide, and that he was who he was, and he didn't care who knew it. I kept thinking how liberating that would feel just to let it all out. Say screw it. This is my truth. This is me. Come here and take a look at the wounds that I have turned into scars. Take me or leave me.
I feel so strongly to share who I used to be to who I am now. I want everyone to know that it's okay to make some mistakes and get back up. Your past does not have to equal your future, unless you live there.
Deep breath in... Here goes...
I was 14 when I first had sex. I am not going to mention any names because is not necessary but I remember feeling that freedom for a moment that everything faded away and I didn't feel the pain. I had finally found a way out of myself. To numb the pain I was in. Not physical pain but emotional. I felt alone. I hated that alone feeling and always had to be doing something, which is quite ironic now because my alone time is by far my favorite part of my day. When I am meditating in stillness.
I remember I went searching for anything to fill the void I felt within my soul. I felt so empty. So spiritually dead. The only time I felt alive is when I was doing drugs. Or when I was lying to those I loved. Or when I was selfishly seeking attention from men who were taken. I lived for the rush. The rush of the adrenaline of doing something so wrong and naughty. I didn't know how something could feel so wrong and so right at the same time.
This is how I saw myself for years. As a piece of meat. I had no real value I thought. I went through high school getting into fights because other girls would be mad I slept with there boyfriends.
I clearly remember a vivid moment that I do not think I will ever forget. I was called into the office one time and one of the teachers said several students were worried about me. They saw me smoking pot on school grounds, snorting in the bathroom, doing whip it's in my moms van in the parking lot. I remember the message from this teacher.
He looked at me as I stared at him with glassy stoned eyes. He leaned in and said- "Carolyn, while others are being voted for prom queen and who will be most successful, your being voted as most likely to die of an overdose. Wake the fuck up."
That comment stop my racing thoughts dead in there tracks. He walked out the office and slammed his door. I sat for a moment. Not making a move or a sound. Omg I think how did I get here? I went from bar to bar with my fake id pretending to be someone else. I felt like I could smell the alcohol seeping out of my skin, and all I could feel was this sense of hate for myself. Here I was addicted to drugs and alcohol and men. Anything not to feel inside. I felt my cheeks get hot as the tears streamed down my face and felt the churning in my stomach like worms. Ugh. I wipe the tears away and put on my best facade.
You see that ah-aww moment isn't when change happens. It's Awareness that comes with the ah-awww moment. Must shout out Joe White for bringing this to my attention at one of his seminars. Action is what really breeds change and at that point I was not ready to squarely face the woman I was in the mirror. In fact I could barely even look in the mirror anymore. Just looking in the mirror would make me sick. I hated me. I hated that I felt like a whore. That's all I felt like anymore. There was no more twinkle in my eyes. Just a dead zombie and my drug of choice was more. I went home that day to numb the pain just like any other day but this time, I decided I wanted to not wake up.
That night, I went out with these guys. I drank way too much. Vodka. I kept thinking it wasn't happening fast enough and then all of sudden... It hit me like a ton of bricks. Like to the point where I blacked out. I woke up on the curb the next morning to the sound of guy shaking me. He said, "Hey you alive?" I looked up and realized I was face down on the pavement out front of my mom and dads house on the side walk.
My one thought, "Shit. I can't even kill myself right."
I could tell you many more moments that lead me deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole, but then one day... I was gifted with grace. I was caught. I was caught making 65k a year with no bills broke. I remember stealing from my dad and him calling and saying it's done. I wanted help. I was grateful that finally the chase was over. No longer would I have to wake up every morning and find a way to fill the void. I would do anything to stop the lies, the guilt, the shame.
I went to rehab and started going to NA meetings. It wasn't easy. Many days, I felt different and not like them but I just kept focusing on the similarities instead of the differences and Slowly but surely I fell in love myself and my life again. They say not to get into a relationship for a year. I was pregnant a month later, (you all know by now rules are not really my thing). I ended up marrying him 2 years later. Na saved my life. Life was good for a while but then I just started to once again feel bored. Unfulfilled. I was married, steady 9-5 and had a little girl who i adored, but I found myself asking, is this it? Is this why I came here? I found myself, looking up bridges to jump off of. And instead, by divine grace...My fingers type in the name Tony Robbins. I could not help but connect instantly with his energy as soon as I saw him on video. I guess most people can, but this seemed different.
This felt like ... Destiny.
I will stop here. My story continues as most of you know. My story continues to become more amazing and bizarre and outrageous. All the things they said were impossible... I just kept doing.
I keep leaping into the dark and having the faith that my feet will hit the ground. I keep sharing honestly and being vulnerable. I keep saying, "Hey! This is who I am and I love me!" I am not what happened to me. I am not my past. Now when I look in the mirror, I see fallen angel. A fucking warrior, a wise, strong, humble, compassionate woman. I am so grateful for the hand I have been dealt in my life because it is that hand that makes me who I am today. So I would like to take the opportunity to say thank you to the people who have hurt me the most. Thank you for making the woman I am today.
Remember if you want to truly love yourself, then you must love your past too, no matter how difficult it may seem. All those struggles made you who you are today.
My book is now available to be pre-ordered before its official release date May 1st, 2016. Early Birds get a 50% discount and will be sent the paperback book and ebook.
Don't ever give up on you. Especially when you think you have no way out... thats normally when the door appears towards your new priceless magical beginning. Big. Bada. BOOM.
Sending you hugs, high fives and pattern breaking ass slaps,
Spark Your Rockstar